Note from Robby: This is another in a series of previously published posts from my former blog site. This one was originally published on Saturday, November 9, 2013.

I spoke at length with a friend today who shares some common struggles with me. However, it was interesting to listen to how the ROOTS of his issues were based in some totally different places than mine had been. While I was previously a passive, afraid-to-make-a-mistake husband and leader, my friend talked about how he had been a controlling, directive, overbearing leader. The thing we shared was that our shortcomings and struggles had threatened our marriages. I didn’t get on a path to doing things right in time to save mine. He did. “So what?” you ask?
Well, one of the things we discussed is what happens for the “offended” when you have made changes in your life, and are on your way toward becoming who you should be. Does it matter what you were before when it comes to how your relationship gets rebuilt? Well, it seems to me that yes, it does… and no, it doesn’t. Hang with me just a minute longer…

A man who finally (FINALLY!) begins to get it… get what God wants him to be… get that he can only do it with God’s help… get that HE IS THE PROBLEM… that man realizes that there will be some things he will need to do in leading his wife and family that will not be easy, or popular. But, if that man was previously a passive, never in charge, unwilling-to-lead type of man (as so many are), his path to become that loving, caring, and sometimes STRONG leader will be more about BELIEF. His wife and family will only BELIEVE he is going to lead consistently when he does so over time. After all, he has seldom done it before, right?

For the man who previously was overbearing, overly controlling, or other similar types of misplaced leadership, his challenge is to overcome his wife and family’s FEAR. Every time he begins to exert leadership that requires him to contradict what his family may “want” to do, he has the potential to be accused (or even to be guilty) of slipping into his previous leadership issues and styles. For them, it’s the thought of, “Here he goes again…”

So, what’s a fella to do? How do we create an environment that builds trust, while also exerting the sometimes necessary “strong” leadership that our families need (and really desire)?

First, we have to remember that our leadership is modeling God’s love for our family. That means that we must do everything with love being evident above all. No matter the decision or other need for our family (except imminent danger like a house on fire), we must be sure the moment and situation have love present. If we can’t take the time required to achieve that understanding, it may be a sign that God is telling us to wait on that particular issue. We must not miss those signals!

Second, we have to be open. I mean really, really OPEN! We have to admit our struggle to strike the right balance with our loved ones and friends. We should let them know that we want them to be quick to speak up when they see us striking a wrong balance or pressing too hard.

Finally, we need to give our loved ones the opportunity to share their trust issues and/or their fears with us. When they do, we can’t take offense, or take their concerns lightly. We must instead see their concerns as valid, real, and needing time and then respond accordingly.

Trust is never guaranteed, but getting trust back into a broken relationship will really take time. It will take patience, and it will take love. We lead best in a restoration situation when we realize those things, and make sure that we are moving forward with everyone on board with us!

How do you find your way through relationship challenges, fixes, and the progress of restoration? What are your frustrations and struggles in that process? It’s important to let God be in charge of it, but it’s important to realize where you are coming from and how that may impact the path forward.

Go love on someone today, and let them know what they mean to you! Lead when necessary, but love at all times, hmm?